my crappy resolutions for 2012

It's the new year! and yeah , that's it I guess. As I get older, my excitement and anticipation for new year has been decreased due to some reasons. One of them is because, well I don't know, it's just like any other day except it marks the first day of a new year. Okay, I think I've rambled a bit. Anyway, perhaps to follow the tradition of making resolution every new year, I'll be making a list of resolutions that most probably will just remains resolutions but hey, it's the thought that count! But first I would like to summarise what 2011 was like, *inhales* well, 2011 was.. a year full of experiences , dramas , laughter , tears , life lessons, the a-ha moments and well.. craps but hey those craps were just tests from the Almighty God to test me and to wash all my sins away,Narated By Abu Said Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that." (Sahih Bukhari Vol 7, Book 70, #545)  I realised that those tests that God send to me were just signs that He loves me and perhaps to make me be stronger than I ever am and even to make me realised that I am far stronger than I ever thought, I am not so sure but I think those are the reasons but then again, Allah is the All-Knowing so He must have reasons on His own. Of course God does not test us with trials and misfortune' On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear [Quran 2:286]' Okay, now that I somehow summarise 2011, let proceed my meticulous and maybe a bit far fetched plans and resolutions for 2012!


RESOLUTIONS 2012 (That would most probably only left as that..just resolutions)
1) MUST PROCRASTINATE LESS OR STOP PROCRASTINATION ALL TOGETHER BECAUSE THIS YEAR YOU'RE HAVING SPM DAMMIT
2)STUDY EVERYDAY BECAUSE IT'LL DO YOU GOOD SO YOU COULD STOP HYPERVENTILATING IN ALMOST EVERY EXAMS 
3)BE TOUGH , DON'T LET THEM SEE YOU'RE WEAK, IF YOU CAN'T BE TOUGH, JUST ACT LIKE YOU DO
4)BE A BETTER MUSLIM, MUST LEARN TO LOVE GOD MORE
5) FROM NOW ON, DO THINGS FOR YOURSELF AND GOD, YOU'LL NOT BE DISSAPOINTED THAT WAY
6)BE ACTIVE IN CO-CURRICULUM, YOU REALLY NEED TO BEEF UP YOUR THIN CO-CURRICULUM RESUME
7) BE NICE TO EVERYONE

fangirling over dear yayah

Oh I wanted to include an exciting news, fortunately and thankfully, FARIHAH ISKANDAR IS CURRENTLY WRITING DEAR YAYAH 6!!! *insert fangirl squeals* oh my, I thought she was going to put an end in Dear Yayah, but I was proven wrong, you don't know how elated I am when I read some excerpts of Dear Yayah 6, reading an UNEDITED VERSION of a chapter in Dear Yayah in her blog, oh my, I was just checking Farihah Iskandar's blog just for fun and then I've found this: Satu Babak Dear Yayah 6 III , at first when I knew this ( I can be considered as a bad fan because I noticed this a few days ago, tssk) I was dancing while telling my mom about it


I just.. I WANT DEAR YAYAH TO CONTINUE UNTIL JIHAN AND HAZMAN GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. There I said it, my inner fangirl has been unleashed and I, Najwa Wira will use this post efficiently to express my fangirlism and my love for a bunch of fictional characters that I've known ever since I was 11 and will continue to love them until my face is all pruny and wrinkly and .. and.. I will make all 'Dear Yayah' books that I could find and buy into my prized possessions! My children will inherited those books from me and then I would pass it down to my grandchildren and then they will pass it down to their children and let the 'chains of passing' begin!

Oh and while I was lurking in her blog I've found this Nama diary mereka Dear Yayah? , I found it quite heartening and somewhat cute to found out that Farihah Iskandar searched 'Dear Yayah' in google, I was feeling a little smug or bangga and a little bit joyful when I read   'Banyak blog yang membuat liputan tentang Dear Yayah. Ada yang menceritakan, ada yang memberi pendapat masing-masing. '  as I was one of those people that make review, scratch that fangirl over 'Dear Yayah' but it then dawned on me... she could've read my post, oh my god the possibilities! If and only If she read it, I wonder what she thought of my post? Is it good? Or is it a bit too fangirlish? 

Some people might think it's weird to be a fangirl of a book series and it's not as famous as Harry Potter or even Aku Mahu Popular  but for me, I'm happy to be a  Dear Yayah fangirl , because Dear Yayah is the only book series that I could relate with and emotionally attached with, I don't mind if it's not hugely popular, no not at all because what matter the most is how important this book series is to me and oh last but not least all I wanted to say is 

My Dear Yayah

You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend.  ~Paul Sweeney


One of the novels ,or should I call it light novels(?) that is dear to my heart is 'Dear Yayah' ,a light, witty, heart-warming and hillarious story about Jihan and her friends, she writes everything that had happened to her in her beloved diary that she called 'Yayah' hence the title 'Dear Yayah', I stumbled upon this book in a book fair in Ipoh, I chose this book in a whim based on the synopsis,and I thought 'This seems interesting' , and I am glad I've chose this book as I turned the pages and laughed loudly, I repeat laughed and not just chuckled like I always do when I read a book, Jihan and her best friend Suria crazy antics, minds, personalities just tickle my funny bones without fail. I think because of it's popularity, the writer decided to continue with the book and make it a series which I, the ever devoted fan, bought almost all of it except for one book, 'Dear Yayah 3' , but unfortunately, I haven't found any of those books except for 'Sejuknya Eau Claire' and 'Dear Yayah 4', *sigh me and my careless way, anyway, I am eager and hopeful to buy the compilation of those books! Hopefully I would find this book in the nearest Popular bookstore.

This one thick book compiled all the 'Dear Yayah' series from the first to the fifth books (insert fangirl squeals)
, I wanted to buy this book because I would like to bring this book everywhere I go especially when I'm far from home or when I'm studying (hopefully) abroad, I'm not sure why but I just really feel like carrying this book around (regardless of how thick,big and heavy it is) around, Markus Zusak is right when he said, "Sometimes you read a book so special that you want to carry it around with you for months after you’ve finished just to stay near it." I just want to be near it because I cherished it so much and perhaps if I've children on my own I would like to pass this book to them, and tell them how emotionally attached I am with this book

I would really like to take a trip down memory lane, from reading the first book, remembering when I first fell in love with the characters especially the dear Jihan and Suria, laughing all those funny jokes and the duo antics, feeling an attachment to all of them and as crazy as it sounds love all of them (especially Jihan and Suria) like a real person and whenever I would miss those moments or just miss them, I could just flip to the first page,read the first word and read it until the very end, truth be told,these books are the only books I am emotionally attached with and by that I mean, I am so attached with the characters until I am always eager (ok maybe not that eager) to wait for the next book because deep down I couldn't face the fact that sooner or later the writer (the awesome Farihah Iskandar) would stop writing it and proceed with another project,it's been a while since she wrote 'Dear Yayah' in novel form and focuses more on the 'Dear Yayah' comics, oh well it's better than nothing. I couldn't face the fact that Jihan, Suria, Hazman, Khairi are just fictional characters for I've just love them too much, you know how the Potterheads feel with Harry,Ron and Hermione? Yeah, that's how I feel with Jihan and the gang. I've known them ever since I was 10/11, so I practically grew up with these books. As I'm writing this I am getting a teensy bit emotional because of how much love I've for these fictional characters that I've considered friend and I am writing this while listening to 'A thousand years- Christina Perri' so that explains a bit. I don't think I can find words that could describe this 'concoction' of emotions I am feeling right now


I guess it is true, once you finished a good book series, you felt wistful and a little lost and empty inside because you're so attached to the characters that you've considered them as your friends, you laughed with them, you shared their sadness, you sympathetised  and emphatised with their problem, you felt protective over them, you scowled and resented the enemies and you grew mushy and giddy when you read their love stories and sometimes it's heartbreaking just to even think about the fact that this series would end. I'm going to console myself and being realistic about it that every book or series is going to end and when the time comes and the great Farihah Iskandar decided to put a permanent end to these books and it's other spin offs (Hi, Suria!) and Dear Yayah comics ,when that day comes..I'm going to cry my eyes out because I could never read the continuation and other stories about my beloved Jihan and Suria again..















but then again R.D Cumming once said , 'A good book has no ending.' or in this case, 'a good book series has no ending'. And oh, I've loved you for a thousand years and I love you for a thousand more my Jihan, Suria, Hazman and Khairi.

midnight rant (writer's block)

I hate it when I get a writer's block and I end up staring blankly at my computer screen, thinking hard on what suitable or witty remarks I could type on my blog and in the end I deleted all the entries or let those posts accumulated in my blog, and then whenever I write I would usually be this obsessive, perfectionist girl who meticulously plan her writing which can sometimes leave me exhausted. I really need to stop being all worked up about writing a blog. I mean blog supposed to be a place to rant, vent, muse, not a thesis or an essay that's going to be marked by an examiner. Let loose Najwa! The problem with me is that sometimes I cannot even expressed my ideas in writing form due to lack of vocabulary and my inability to elaborate it eloquently...My brain as usual, during an unlikely time it would said 'oh my god, I got this awesome idea! We're so gonna write (insert some awesome ideas here)' and then when I'm front of the computer , my brain suddenly freezes and then the stare-blankly-at-a-blank-post begins.

And what's with me suddenly having a flood of inspirations (is this a right expression? I don't even know) at an unexpected or unlikely time, like during midnight, when I'm taking a shower, when I'm studying and even when I'm eating, seriously brain seriously? I cannot even..

So in the end, I creep back to my bed and sink into frustration as I cannot even finish a post because  all those ideas that's been in your mind suddenly vanished and all I could do is blankly staring at the computer screen or sleep instead. Instead of trying to finish the post I earlier wrote I decided to rant about my writer's block instead because writer's block ruin my life. Curse you writer's block!

16 years of living

“Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had, and what you’ve learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.”-Unknown

14th Nov was my birthday, but I didn't celebrate it with a wild party or any party at all. My birthday was celebrated in advance ,during the weekend, it was nothing grand just a fun and personal time with my family. I never really view 14th Nov as a grand 'heck yeah I'm the birthday girl!' day, I just thought of it as another day to survive, another day of creating memories and learn a few life lessons, but it would be a lie to say I don't expect a few birthday wishes from my friends, perhaps if I'm lucky a present or two from someone. This year is no different than the other except a delight surprise that during my birthday I became immensely popular in facebook and my profile was filled  with people posting birthday wishes to me, but then again it was always like that... and oh of course an actual delightful surprise I received from Hani, she gave me three wonderful presents from her. She said she was indecisive what to give me for my birthday but I thought it was well thought out gifts, she gave me a mug (?) with a cute panda printed on it and 2 photo frame that each has a meaningful poem on it, I smile reading those poem and as embarrassing as it sounds I think I could cry a little by reading it

Beautiful words make Najwa cries
God I sound so cliched but still I appreciated it so much that I grinned gleefully and I felt to brag about it to the whole world 'LOOK WORLD! I RECEIVED NOT ONE,NOT TWO BUT THREE GIFTS!',
I took note to give her a more meaningful gift than what I gave her for her birthday this year, an amateurish poem that I send to her via FB. I am ashamed of myself but it's the thought that count right? As my birthday fell on school day and on the first day of SPM, I spent almost a whole day in school, playing Saidina with awesome peeps like Najla, Nadhirah, Aida, Sarah and Artiqha. Oh and I received a message from Mas wishing me a happy birthday  and she apologised for wishing it late, truthfully I didn't mind at all, as long as people still remembers it, I'm fine with it, oh I think I'm going to cry again.

You know, as I grow up I realise something, that I am both terrified and elated about the future, as 14th Nov marks the day that I am officially 16, I cannot stop but to think about the future, about what had happened to me so far, how much life lesson I've learned this year, how much heartache I'd endured, how much tears of joys and sorrow I'd shed and how much have I grown up. It's silly to worry so much at a tender age of 16 but I cannot help but to fret at the future, at how fast the time pace, at how it seems like yesterday I was this gawky form 1 student who is clueless about everything and how it hits me that next year I'll be siting my SPM.  I realise that as much as I plan obsessively about my future, planning and re-planning what I'm going to be, deep in my heart or any other internal organs that I don't want to grow up, I don't want to leave my home, I don't want to leave my family, I don't want to leave my mom (mock me as you like, I am proud to say I am a mommy's girl), that maybe all this planning, all the enthusiastic discussion with my friends about the future is perhaps a way for me to escape from reality, to escape my problems and to give an assurance that there is a brighter future awaits me and the present time is like an irritating guard with a moustache and donut crumbs on  his left cheek that blocks your way from your future, that I cling on my idealistic future so much that I lost my view on the present that when I pull myself back I realise that I do not want to grow up, no not yet, I am not ready for all the crap that life would throw at me. But as much as pray for time to wait until I'm ready, it will not wait and it will pass by me because that's just what time do. Pass you without even looking at you.

 I guess since I'm 16 now I should stop and reflect on my life a bit, I look back at my life I realise that I'd learn and experience so much that is more invaluable than what I  learn in the classroom. I learn that life likes to throw crap at you, you will experience a lot of twist of fate that you never thought you would encounter and life is far more elusive and ironically is more dramatic than soap operas. You would lose and gain friends, heartache will occur now and then in your life, you'll get hurt so much that all you could do is cry, rage, make an emotional outburst for awhile and then ponder and suck it up, as much as it hurts you, there's nothing left you can do but to suck it up and gain lessons from it. You realise that you do have a lot of regrets and fears, but you also realise you cannot use this as a ticket to blame others and yourself, you need as said before suck it up and move on. You realise that the older you are the more sadder you be, and even though you're wiser now it still not guarantees you that you won't be making idiotic and embarrassing mistakes, because trust me you would. All those mistakes you made are going to make you stronger, wiser, and you try to learn from it. You will make mistakes countless of times before you get it but it doesn't matter because that's life. You must not let yourself be cruel or mean to people because you're better than that. You realise that you can't make all people happy and what matters the most right now is about you, yourself. It's not selfish but it's a matter of survival, no one is going to heal you and no one is going to fully understand you, as much as they try and as much love they give, you already know that this is not enough, and after all those bruises you get you finally know that it's noble to think about others, to try to please others, but it's not okay to let yourself drown in misery and to let yourself be exhausted and beaten down, to let yourself be bruised, to make yourself feel ridiculed and to confuse yourself even more. Don't let yourself be a masochist and love yourself more, have more respect with yourself, putting others before you while at the same time do not overdo it until you do not consider your own feelings and beliefs. You realise that sometimes things don't last, and you have to accept that with a willing heart. You realise that you need to live based on what things that makes you happy not others. In life, you could never predict what will happen and you have to face it with brave and confidence and no matter what life throws at you, all you need to be strong is 3 things, first , remember that God is always there to listen faithfully all your woes and He loves you,even if you feel that you've mountain of sins and feel shameful that you repeatedly turn your back on Him, never lose faith on him because Allah said, ‘O son of Adam! If you mention Me to yourself, I will mention you to Myself. If you mention Me in a gathering, I will mention you in a gathering of the angels (or in a better gathering). If you draw closer to Me by a hand span, I will draw closer to you by forearm’s length. If you draw closer to Me by a forearm’s length, I will draw closer to you by an arm’s length. And if you come to Me walking, I will come to you running” (Bukhari), second, remember that your loved ones will always be there for you, and their love is strong enough for you to make a shield and wield your way through the cold harsh life and third that to be optimistic because when all things seem to crumble down, your hope is the only thing that'll keep you going. That's what I learn after living my life for 16 years and this is what I'll keep telling myself because I have a long way to go, 16 years and counting.

purpose of le blog and random things

I don't know what's the purpose of this blog, is it to record my chaotic, monotonous and perhaps exciting life so that I could keep track on things and I could read back everything that had happened to me when I'm older? or is it for me to vent and pour my heart out and a medium for me to express my eccentric, erratic and peculiar mind? Truthfully I'm not so sure and I don't mind at all. Perhaps this blog would be a combination of the records of my life and for me  to vent. Maybe when I'm older I could scroll and look back at my old posts, the ones I wrote when I'm 16 and rebelling , I would chuckle, shed a few tears and maybe smile a little, you know, I think that is one of the sole purpose why I'm writing this blog. It's because I want to see how much I've grown as a person, whether I am changing for the better or worse, to reflect a few things and last and most definitely to reminisce those moments, those memories that will always be in my heart and will be altered slightly in my brain, yes it's been scientifically proven that those memories that we remembered are changed a bit by the brain. Oh and this blog can also be a way for me to brush up my writing skills and improve my poor vocabulary, seriously I always envied those people that could compose such beautiful words effortlessly, they write and speak such exquisite and beautiful words that astound me while I'm stuck with my pitiful vocabulary and grammar skills. Oh well, I still have a lot of time and I really need to read a lot more books, books and literature here I come!

Next year I'm in 5sc2 baby

*this post is gonna be a long, boring, redundant, lack of witty remarks. Oh look a few gifs and pics to lighten up this post!
The result was out and as expected I'm in 5sc2, initially and obviously I was a teensy bit dissapointed but yeah based from my results I already figured that out but wouldn't it miraculous that I made into 5sc1 no? Anyway I figured that by writing this post it could make me contemplate on things, praying for some things, what are my goals in 5sc2..... and other boring ,I-can-make-people-fall-asleep stuffs. Okay so first let's rewind back to Wednesday, the day I knew my result. As I was busy scrolling and stalking people  on my facebook, I noticed that Artiqha, my friend and my future classmate asked me my I.C. no, before I gave it to her I was a bit suspicious and then it hit me, oh my god THE RESULT IS OUT

I , the awkward Najwa as fast as lightning, as fast as the Flash browse the SAPS (or is it SAP?) website, entered my IC no and then clicked 'Peperiksaan Akhir Tahun' and then DUN DUN DUN my slip keputusan, I checked my kedudukan tingkatan and it turned out I'm in the 55th place.. dang, I was a bit dissapointed, still am actually but yeah, I just sat there like


So I got back to Facebook and gave my I.C. no to Atiqha and we exchanged our I.C. no. so we could compare our result. My result wasn't that excellent or attention worthy but it was good and showing a significant improvement . I lied, it only show a slight improvement. Moving on, it turned out that Artiqha and I are going to be classmates and I think maybe Anis would join us as well. The 4 geniuses (Aida, Sarah, Nadhi, Najla) are in 5sc1 so congrats to them! So as I struggling to compose my random and chaotic thoughts into words, I decided that I would like to contemplate and plan what I would like to do next year, in 5sc2 to be exact and also a few things I would like to hope for.

You know those sayings 'There's a bright side in everything' and 'There's a ray of hope' and all that stuff? Yeah I'm clinging on that and I put almost all my faith that next year gonna turn out okay. I'm going to look this in a more positive light and stop fretting or feel sorry for myself , so here's a list I would like to accomplish in 5sc2
Le List Of What I Want To Accomplish In 5sc2 (and the logics and reasons behind those goals)
1) Be in top 10 in class (less competitions, gonna be more kiasu next year, less competitions... to show that I can do it) 
2) Mingle with other classmates and socialise more ( I need to brush up my socialising skills and things can get lonely sometimes)
I seriously need to stop acting like this with my classmates 

3) Stop caring about insignificant things and stop being damn sensitive and live by the motto below(because I end up looking foolish and weak)

5) Focus on the teacher when he/she teaches and studying too (could cut time revising by focusing on the teacher and SPM next year)

'Your words are fascinating my teachers'
6) Cut down the procrastination ( it will only lead you to the dark side Najwa)
So there you go, those short list of things I would like to accomplish in 5sc2, pretty simple but nonetheless vital for me if I want to get admission in UM or gain a scholarship and to be more.. happier I guess. Oh yeah there's only one or two things I hope and pray would not gonna happen next year.
1) Being in the same class with annoying people or the people/person I despise, next year I don't want turn around and see them and be like (since words cannot describe the horror I feel, I let the gifs explains it)